People, a lot, have asked me this today. So, I will now compose it into a journal. No, this isn't a cry about my life sucking, a cry about how much I hate my life, a cry for attention, a cry for ass pats, just me stating why in a simple manner. All of you, that know me well, would know that I particularly DON'T post up personal things for the world to see, simply because, I would come off a a cry baby, an 'attention whore' or 'lolcow' and the Internet isn't the place to post such things openly. Some other reason would be is that they're my problems and not everyone else's.

Today, I am going to tell you, tell you WHY I was so pissed today. it's the same problem everyday, my hateful outlook of people in general. I usually try to come off as neutral, simply as - treat me with basic 'respect' and I'll let you on your merry way, and, if you don't, I will come off as a sarcastic asshole to you, always. My rage isn't by that, that's just how I take things into consideration. My rage today was because, thinking of all the 'friends' I had, OL, and IRL, and letting them take and walk all over.

They may not take, belongings, but some other things. You see, I have good friends, and mutual ones. Mutual ones, can be people I see regularly, exchange basic thoughts and things with, and go on my merry way. 'Good' friends, are ones I've garnered to trust and not 'dislike' like I would my mutual friends. How could I call them mutual friends if I don't like them? Well, they've grown on me more than people would, but that doesn't necessarily mean I like them, or have to.

However, like 'good' friends, 'good' friends have earned my 'like' and appreciation. People, in general, I hate, but it's a silent hate, which CAN get loud. Why I was so angry is because I am tired of these 'friends' in general. I am fucking tired of of even being nice to some of them, which usually end up turning their backs on me, or in short, just forgetting I exist. I would call that karma, since I have done the silent treatment to some once good friends, but I'd have it happy way to many a-time to just be karma.

Could this just be me being and angsty little bitch who demands respect? Possibly, but then again possibly not. People are weird creatures, and I am, an anti-social one of those creatures. I don't pride myself on being at the bottom, now would I if I was at the top, that implying, I don't want to be around a lot of people. There may be times where I would feel the need to be out with some people maybe doing something, or talking to a lot of people over the net on one giant cluster, but most of the time I want to be away from them.

Now yes I WILL frequent chat rooms on dA, for basic chatter, and whatnot, usually to pass time when I am bored, or sometimes lulzy things happen in chat rooms and it's worth watching/reading. Most of the time in chat rooms I don't have to feel like I HAVE to talk to someone, otherwise in a convo with a lot of 'friends' I feel as if I have to. In my real life, in a group of 'friends' I will stay silent unless I can relate to what's going on, or if I am simply in a talkative mood. I always tend to get "omg *name* what's wrong?" when I CHOOSE the be silent. I hate this.

I hate this, that people automatically assume there is something wrong with me, just when I DON'T want to talk. I am a rather twisted and unusual character in some to most aspects. Some days I feel like I have the need to talk to one person and sometimes a few. Lately I have been feeling like I want to block EVERYONE out and ignore them, or yell at someone or kick holes in walls. Most of the time, almost always I feel like that, but I normally don't bring these things to 'friends' or go off on them for practically nothing. Lately I have been thinking about what everything would be like if I wasn't here, or what it would be like if I was just gone sometimes, or just gone forever.


I hope everyone is fucking satisfied and leaves me alone now. about it. Good day.